A Fish in The Water

A Story of Abuse, Survival, and Speaking Out

I pictured myself writing this essay so many times. Pacing around the computer trying to gather the thoughts so they could make sense. Waiting for a word that would carry me and lead the way. It always ended in deafening silence.

My work with survivors of sexual abuse and women rescued from sex trafficking was one of the most rewarding and yet challenging experiences of my life. Each of those women reminded me that most of us live in a bubble.

For years I have immersed myself fully in the world of trauma informed practices, assisting others in crisis. And like many colleagues of mine in the field of therapy, somatic practices, coaching, we are wholeheartedly devoted to being of service.

It was never quite clear why a part of me pulled me closer and closer to the field of trauma, to have an understanding and compassion for human suffering. I heard the call. I didn't question it.

I just couldn't understand why I swam like a fish in the water in those environments where most people would run in the opposite direction.

But all the understanding that I needed came to my doorstep in 2023.

A high school friend called me to let me know that the person who abused me in the late 90s for four years was accused on Argentinian television for abusing minors.

The truth is as simple as it is painful.

Terms like online sexual grooming did not exist back then. I kept this story to myself for four years. I never fully shared with anybody the extent of the abuse. And when my body could not take any more of it, I fled. I left my country at 21 to put a stop to it. I left everything behind and moved to Miami. I made a new life. I didn't have anybody to consult or console with. My only friend was him. Ten years my senior. A prominent TV personality who to this day captures the attention of millions of Argentinians.

As occurs in every case of online sexual grooming, the work is done gradually in skillful stages designed to isolate the victim and create dependence on the abuser. Until the perpetrator meets the victim in person and introduces a new phase of this dynamic. There is extensive research on this topic, and luckily more attention is being given to online grooming, particularly in countries like Argentina where young kids are being recruited for sex trafficking.

Sometimes years and decades go by, and in time you can integrate pieces of your story in a coherent narrative. After the first accusation from a man who remained anonymous, I started to connect the dots with the help of my therapist and other practices. Most of my memories from those years were suppressed.

When I finally could see a painful but clear picture I was presented with a choice. Move on, live my life and let God be the judge. Or do what many survivors can't do from fear of retaliation or retraumatization. Pursue justice through the legal system. I chose to make a legal accusation that became public. And in my particular case, be part of an interview on national television where he is the fish in the water.

Within 24 hours after my accusation, a third person presented a legal accusation similar to mine.

The understanding that I gained about human behavior from this experience is more than any psychology book could teach about narcissistic behavior, manipulation, power dynamics, and survival.

What no one tells you about trauma and trauma healing is that you are not the same person once you face your story. It changes you. You are shaped by a different fire.

Understanding that many of the pillars that shaped who I am were marked by those years of abuse has opened my eyes and brought a renewed sense of understanding of who I am as a person, and the person I want to be in this world. It has also strengthened my commitment to do the work I do as a trauma informed guide, as peer support specialist.

The aftermath of such a level of exposure felt lethal. It was a long year of dealing with complex PTSD, functional neurological disorders. It felt good in my soul but my body took its time to come back online.

Last month a judge dismissed my case because too much time had passed since the events. Two weeks ago a fourth accusation was presented by a high profile journalist accusing him of pedophilia and sex trafficking.

Today, when I sit with survivors, there's a different quality to the silence between us. They sense it immediately. I don't just understand trauma from textbooks or training. I understand it from the inside out. I know what it means to carry secrets that feel too dangerous to tell. I know what it means to rebuild yourself from nothing. I know what it means to find your voice when the world wants you to stay quiet.

The fish finally understands the water it was born to swim in. And in that understanding, I've found not just my healing, but my purpose. Every day I'm reminded that there is work to do. Not just for the survivors who will come after, but for the parts of ourselves that are still waiting to be found.

For anyone who is in an emergency, there is help available. Resources include 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, ASCA (Adult Survivors of Child Abuse), RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), and The Trevor Project for LGBTQ+ youth.

Your story matters. Your healing matters. And you are more than what happened to you.

With love,

A.

Adrian Molina is a trauma-informed coach, crisis counselor, and peer recovery support specialist based in Miami Beach. He has dedicated over two decades to working with survivors of sexual abuse and trafficking in hospitals, homeless shelters, prisons, and crisis centers. Adrian has trained with RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) and has worked as a volunteer crisis specialist with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Originally from Buenos Aires, Argentina, he moved to the United States in the early 2000s and began his career teaching yoga before transitioning into trauma recovery work. Adrian's private practice is grounded in the understanding that healing requires both professional knowledge and lived experience. Through his writing and client work, he helps survivors integrate their experiences and reclaim their power.

Photo by Tim Marshall