The Year I Got Lost and Found

It's been a while. A full year, actually.

A year since I stepped away from the world I knew to find something I had lost in myself.

I remember hearing the phrase sabbatical year as a child and asking my mom what it meant. I don't remember her answer, but I remember the feeling. The thought of skipping school for a whole year felt like magic.

I didn't skip school then. But last year life forced a stop.

The body said no. The mind said no.

What followed wasn't graceful. Everything I thought I knew about myself came undone. I felt lonely, disappointed, misunderstood.

I lost hope. Some friends lost patience.

I couldn't show up in the ways I used to, the ways that once gave me joy.

The hardest part wasn't the falling apart. It was realizing how much of my life had been shaped by invisible wounds I didn't even know were there.

Trauma distorts our perception of life and self.

It edits the story so skillfully we start to believe it.

I sat in therapy rooms with well meaning professionals who couldn't always see the ways some of us carry pain. Not in words, but in the nervous system.

I met doctors who offered pills but skipped the questions that mattered.

Some of us don't need a prescription. We need to be understood.

I joined groups led by professionals who knew their books but didn't know how to sit with others and listen.

They treated trauma like a problem to solve, not a fracture in connection.

So I sat with the mess. For endless months.

Because sometimes the only thing left to do is to believe that in time you will know what your next steps are. And in those periods, we have to learn to respect the wait.

Don't rush it. Don't see it as an anomaly. But in fact, the journey itself.

The wait is the journey.

In time, I began to feel the clarity that I once had.

My passion for volunteering and helping others came back online.

And the clear message that the time had come for me to show up in a different way.

I decided to go further in my education in trauma. Exploring beyond the field of trauma informed yoga, and actually learning how to help others in individual sessions and in group settings that did not require movement, but presence and compassion.

I studied with teachers who have shaped the world of trauma, psychotherapy and healing.

Bessel van der Kolk. Gabor Maté. Peter Levine. And many others.

I followed my therapist's advice and opened my private practice to help people who are going through difficult situations.

Your experiences and education speak for themselves. So go and do it. She said.

Last year I became a certified trauma professional to walk alongside people who are experiencing the erosion from traumatic events. Because in my darkest hour there were few hands to hold onto. I want to be that person who shares from experience, who listens from a place of compassion, and can see through the pain and sees the sparkle that all of us are.

As I return to sharing more openly, I feel grateful to everyone who has crossed my path over these years. Each person, each experience, each lesson has shaped who I am today.

I'll be writing about the healing journey, the modalities that help us navigate life challenges, and sharing more about our book club and a group therapy program with my friend and therapist Yariela Sequeira.

If this isn't what you're looking for right now, feel free to unsubscribe below and I completely understand. But if you'd like to stay connected and say hello, you can reply right here. It means more than you know.

Thanks for being here.

Adrian